A post I wrote from a LinkedIn post: The Writers Within

I do not know what to do; my mind is divided.... I cannot choose whether one choice is best for me or another. I do not know what the future holds but I am quite certain that I will have many adventures to come if I just let go and lose all my inhibitions. I want stability and safety and the usual routine of a good day in a good part of town. But many times I've heard that security and stability is nothing but an illusion. I'm told that in order to get what you want, you have to not plan everything and take life for what it is. 

I am conflicted because I can meticulously plan up to the smallest detail, then either procrastinate and not do anything or begin the project and never finish. Routine is expected in my life but when I get into the motions of living a schedule I get bored. What I want changes so frequently I often look rather ficker about my decisions. The problem is that I am not ficker but that I will look at every option so closely that I will decide something isn't good for me even before I try it. Now this can be a good thing but on occasion I find this mindset or basic function very limiting and damnit if I change my mind on something else one more time I will explode..

What the HELL is a fun person?

A time I grew in spirit was today. I went to see my cousin in the hospital. She was asleep yesterday so we didn't get to speak to her. But today she was awake but groggy. I hadn't seen her since childhood which made everything awkward plus back then we didn't have the best relationship. My mom, sister and I was there visiting as her boyfriend was in the room. I'm always quiet and to myself when meeting someone so for the most part I didn't say anything to her other than, "Hi." 

She, while waking up from the medication, turned and said my sister seemed like the fun one. I was speechless but I knew she was going threw a whole ordeal the last few days. So I let it go, until we left later on that day. As we got into the car we was talking about how great it went. When I brought up the fact that she called my sister the "fun" one. 

My sister said our cousin could tell she was the fun one because of her personality. And then my mom agreed, saying everyone claims my sister is the fun one. At first I didn't let it bother me until the day went on. I actually shed a tear or two. I mean, what does that even mean? If my sister's the "fun" one then what does that say about me? 

That I am boring? Or that I am not fun to be around? As the evening blended into the night I got some 'not so good' news. Instead of crying and being sad like I usually am I used this as a time I grew in spirit. I jumped onto Youtube and started singing out "fun" songs to get my spirits up. I decided to not let someone brand me as boring or unappealing. I began having fun in my own way. Which placed a smile on my face. I sent out two resumes for a job search that I'm doing and my mom told me she was proud of me. So all in all I grew to learn that "fun" is an subjective term. A state of opinion, not fact.

Random thoughts of the day

The Calming Peace

Whenever I go outside to sit in the black rocker chair on the front porch throughout the day a wave of honest calmness washes over me. The feeling of serenity and peace is fantastic especially when there is a slight breeze and the afternoon air is cool. I feel at peace, sitting quietly by myself perhaps with a book on my lap and a warm blanket surrounding my shoulders. Or maybe with the house dog, Rock, sitting at my heel I feel at one with nature. Sometimes even when it rains I am still zin. 

I do not know what to do; my mind is divided

I do not know what to do; my mind is divided.... I cannot choose whether one choice is best for me or another. I do not know what the future holds but I am quite certain that I will have many adventures to come if I just let go and lose all my inhibitions. I want stability and safety and the usual routine of a good day in a good part of town. But many times I've heard that security and stability is nothing but an illusion. I'm told that in order to get what you want, you have to not plan everything and take life for what it is.

I am conflicted because I can meticulously plan up to the smallest detail, then either procrastinate and not do anything or begin the project and never finish. Routine is expected in my life but when I get into the motions of living a schedule I get bored.  What I want changes so frequently I often look rather ficker about my decisions. The problem is that I am not ficker but that I will look at every option so closely that I will decide something isn't good for me even before I try it. Now this can be a good thing but on occasion I find this mindset or basic function very limiting and damnit if I change my mind on something else one more time I will explode.. 

What your Music Taste say about You

Here's what your music says about your personality! Your music preferences have been broken down into four categories. Detailed explanations are below. You can also read answers to common questions.

	65 %	enjoys reflective and complex music
	7 %	enjoys edgy and aggressive music
	4 %	enjoys fun and simple music
	45 %	enjoys energetic and upbeat music

These dimensions are relatively independent, which means that you can be high on one dimension and low on others, or high on all of them, or low on all of them, etc. Your score will tell you whether you are high or low on each dimension. The characteristics associated with high or low scorers on each dimensions are described below. If you are especially high or low on a dimension, these descriptions should be particularly characteristic of you. If you fall somewhere in the middle, the descriptions probably characterize you less well. For example, if you have a moderate score on the reflective and complex music dimension then you would probably be quite high in openness to new experiences, but not as open to new experiences as a person with a high score on the reflective and complex music dimension. The feedback is based on the responses of thousands of people tested in our research. Obviously, we can only draw generalizations so it is quite likely that some aspects of the feedback will fit you better than others and it is even possible that none of it will fit you very well. As you go through the feedback, you will find some questions asking you how accurately our feedback captures what you are like. These questions are designed to test the quality of our feedback and to allow us to improve it. Please select your answers and click Submit at the bottom of this page. Thanks!

People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Classical, Blues, Jazz, and Folk music. On the Reflective & Complex Dimension you fell in the 65 percentile. This score is quite high.
  65%
Based on your responses, you scored above average on the reflective and complex music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people high on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:
People with high scores on the reflective and complex music-preference dimension tend to be open to new experiences, creative, intellectual, and enjoy trying new things. When it comes to politics, they tend to lean toward the liberal side. Wisdom, diversity, and fine arts are all important to them. When it comes to lifestyle, high scorers tend to be sophisticated, and relatively well off financially. After a hard day of work, if they're not listening to music or reading a book, they enjoy documentary films, independent, classic, or foreign films.
Overall, how well does the feedback capture what you are like?
(Click for choices)Not at allSomewhatMostlyExactly



People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Alternative, Rock, and Heavy Metal music. On the Edgy & Aggressive Dimension you fell in the 7 percentile. This score is very low.
  7%
Based on your responses, you scored below average on the edgy and aggressive music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people low on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:
People with low scores on the energetic and aggressive music-preference dimension don't get their kicks on skydiving or rock climbing. They tend to be friendly, less assertive than the average person, and conventional. They tend to place a lot of importance on family security, salvation, and tranquility. When they're not listening to music, watching television, or reading a book, they probably enjoy watching a dramatic movie, major motion picture, romance movie, or classic film.
Overall, how well does the feedback capture what you are like?
(Click for choices)Not at allSomewhatMostlyExactly



People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Pop, Religious, Country, and Soundtrack music. On the Fun & Simple Dimension you fell in the 4 percentile. This score is very low.
  4%
Based on your responses, you scored below average on the fun and simple music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people low on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:
People with low scores on the fun and simple music-preference dimension tend to introverted, unconventional, and artistic. When it comes to morals and values, chances are that they lean toward the liberal side, and consider beauty and inner harmony important principles in life. When selecting a movie to watch, they prefer suspense movies, cult movies, or foreign films.
Overall, how well does the feedback capture what you are like?
(Click for choices)Not at allSomewhatMostlyExactly



People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Hip-hop, Rap, Funk, Soul, and Electronic music. On the Energetic & Upbeat Dimension you fell in the 45 percentile. This score is moderate.
  45%
Based on your responses, you scored below average on the energetic and upbeat music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people low on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:
People with low scores on the energetic and upbeat music-preference dimension tend to be introverted, less assertive than the average person, and detail oriented. As for politics and values, they tend to lean to the conservative side, and value intellect, ambition, and high art. When it comes to lifestyle, low scorers on the energetic and upbeat dimension often come from the middle and upper classes. When they're not reading, they're probably watching a romance movie, classic film, or western movie.

Are you a blurter or a brooder? And how this affects your love life.

Your response type:

Brooder

Your responses indicate that you're low in blirtatiousness. Low scorers don't usually say the first thing that comes to mind; rather, they tend to hesitate and deliberate before responding to others. One reason you feel compelled to be careful in responding to others is because you are worried about being evaluated negatively. Often people low in blirtatiousness are shy and introverted and tend to dwell on thoughts internally instead of discussing them with others. Because low-blirters sometimes have difficulty saying how they feel, they may sometimes fail to get their needs met in relationships.

Your self-criticalness:
High	You scored relatively high on the criticalness scale. This means that you tend to perceive yourself as relatively high on the following dimensions: critical, judgmental, moody, controlling and dominant. You also rated yourself relatively low on these dimensions: patient, warmth, and tolerance.

Much of our research has examined this communication style and how it influences romantic relationships. Recent findings indicate that people are happiest in relationships when their blirt levels match. That is, whether it's 2 low blirters, 2 moderate blirters, or 2 high blirters, similarity in how intimate partners communicate with one another leads to heightened satisfaction. On the other hand, mismatches in blirtatiousness are associated with relatively low relationship satisfaction.

In addition, communication seems to unfold well if the man outscores the woman on the blirt by any amount. On the other hand, when the woman outscores the man on the blirt by any significant amount AND the woman scores in the "high" range on criticalness, then the members of the couple may experience challenges in communication that other couples do not. Of course, this finding is based on averages and there are always exceptions to such generalizations. Your relationship could be one such exception.

The questionnaires you have just completed are designed to extend these previous findings by examining why people with these communication styles experience difficulty. For example, we are wondering if men who are low blirters feel resentment toward blirtatious, critical women because such men feel that such women do not conform to the stereotypically feminine woman. Additionally, we hope to gain insight into how blirtatiousness interacts with other variables in determining relationship satisfaction. Your participation will help us to better understand these questions.

Self Monitoring: Do you censor what you say?

Your score is 39, on a scale of 0 (low self-monitor) to 100 (high self-monitor). You are neither a high nor low self-monitor.

Self-monitoring refers to how a person behaves in different contexts (ie, work, visiting friends, or shopping). A high self-monitoring person is someone who monitors and adapts their own behavior to match their surroundings. A low self monitor tends to use their internal values and beliefs to figure out how to behave.
In other words, a low self monitor will exhibit the same behavior in different contexts, whether it's a meeting at work, softball game with friends, or family reunion. A high self monitor will act differently in these different contexts, perhaps acting more formally at work or cracking jokes with friends, if that is what others are doing.

High self monitors: show variability in behavior in different contexts, and are extremely flexible in adapting to their current situation tend to have different public and private personas and are careful about mixing different social circles tend to make better managers and do better in jobs that involve influencing other people (sales, marketing, hiring, politicians) Low self monitors: use internal values and beliefs in deciding how to behave act the same in most social circles can be relied upon for opinions as they tend to say it like they see it tend to be better in research and project-based work This test is based on work done in the 70's by a psychology researcher name Mark Snyder (The Many Me's of the Self-Monitor) Identity, as danah boyd (MIT Media Lab) argues in her identity thesis, can be seen as having two levels: an inner identity, and that identity which we present to the world. Low self monitors tie their inner and outer identity together, meaning that they show their true emotions to those around them. High self monitors hold their inner identity separate from their outer identity, meaning that they can adapt and change how others see them as needs be. In the on-line community, high self monitors are more likely to have multiple email addresses or IM accounts to help mitigate and control their appearance and knowledge about them.

The Morality Test

The test you have just taken is designed to measure your moral attitudes, particularly as they relate to your religious and cultural background. We've also included results about your personality, as measured by the ‘Big Five’ survey. Your results are explained below, followed by further discussion about this test.      Moral Attitudes Results By “moral” we mean those aspects of thought and behavior that relate to commonly accepted notions of right and wrong, and to selfish and unselfish actions. One need not be religious to be “moral,” although religions do tend to espouse moral codes of behavior. We have broken down your results into two sub-categories: political/economic morals and social morals. Politically Conservative Politically Liberal Socially Conservative Socially Liberal Overall Conservative Overall Liberal Based on your answers to the previous questions, your overall score on a conservative/liberal dimension of moral attitudes--compared with the general population--puts your percentile at 65, with the 99th percentile indicating the most liberal possible rating. Another way of explaining this is to say that out of 100 randomly-selected people, you will most likely be more liberal than 65 of them. You tend to hold progressive/liberal values, but are more traditional on some aspects. When it comes to social morals, you feel that society's current laws need to be more flexible in some areas. You believe that government is too conservative and would prefer it to change several of its political and practices.